The dread of chronic illness

It didn't take long; I was getting weary of my constant attention to the grief of Job. But all it took was spending some time with real people who are confronting the reality of unrelenting pain, and the meaning of the Job dilemma came back into sharp focus. Tonight is was Venita. Other days (and nights) it's been Margy. An old friend who inhabited a wheelchair once declared, "You're only temporarily able bodied." She called those of us who walk without assistance TABs.

That's a hard thing to hear when it's starting to look like you're getting a chronic illness. The hope that health and freedom from pain is in your future starts fading into a fog. These joy-filled women who used to glow with life are starting to grow desperate with dread that this is a corner turned, and they might become one of those who limp and wince into their futures.

The words of Elihu ring out: "Take care; do not turn to iniquity, for this you have chosen rather than affliction" (Job 36:21). Watch out! it's so easy at this point to feel like God has abandoned you. Venita's words (and heart) spoke this fear: "Why doesn't God heal me? I know he can, but he's just silent." And she's tempted to turn away from a hope that has disappointed. That would be a turn away from faith, away from love. When we turn away from faith, hope and love, what are we turning toward? Certainly not life. But the life that she's been dealing with is so mercilessly painful, how can she hold any longer to this hope that's come up empty again and again? Prayers for healing that haven't yielded relief.

Elihu's challenge is to embrace affliction instead of iniquity; that's the clear set of alternatives that Job has been vexed with throughout his ordeal. Not that he is supposed to celebrate the pain. That's warped. But when the leg has been amputated, the wounded soldier can get bitter or accept this new reality. For the amputee, there is a harsh demand to accept the facts of life. For Venita, however, denying the permanence is right and healthy. Even hopeful. Two years of struggle with pain isn't like an amputated leg. The abdominal pains can go away as quickly as they appeared, can't they? They can, but they haven't. And the hopelessness is starting to solidify. That turns into bitterness without warning one day unless she intentionally seeks special protection. That takes help from others to encourage her to hold onto faith. And to point to the spiritual perspective that these are light and momentary afflictions, despite the wheelchairs and medications required to live through another day.

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